Sickness

I found myself lying in the middle of the complex hallway with one arm extended into the air-conditioned room beside me and the rest of my body sprawled in the heat from the open window and lack of air in the passage. I watched the lightning up above through the open window hoping that somehow I would see all of it and be able to gauge the timing of the next black of thunder. Thunderstorms usually don’t scare me and I often even enjoy the low rumble and light show, but when each sound of thunder is like a bomb being dropped or the building over falling down, it causes jumpiness 

Two friends walked by with ice cream, which I eye with a hungry mouth but warning stomach. I had been suffering from what our team has started to call the double-headed dragon since the previous evening, and at this point while my stomach still continued to do weird things, I had been in the clear for over 12 hours one way and 6 the other. My stomach was still not sure how to feel about the banana and crackers I had snacked on earlier

I continued to lay on the floor for a few minutes feeling it to be a nice respite from the rock hard beds that I had been sleeping on the last 7 nights and that I had been laying on all morning. Enough energy came to me to sit up and make my way back into the room where I had been lying on Natalie’s bed the 4 hours beforehand. She too had been suffering from the double-headed dragon and was probably even worse off than I was. 

The last couple days had just been a rotation of which teammates would be out for the day and lying miserably in bed. At the point I got sick, about a third of the team had already suffered through the stomach pain or were currently suffering. Some had fevers, headaches, or various other symptoms, but everyone was left weak. 

On top of the physical toll, our whole team was starting to feel the emotional and mental exhaustion that Kolkata can force upon a person. I had been coping pretty well with everything, and adjusted to the chaos in the streets and the weird tasks I performed at Prem Dan, but in my sick moments I was so ready to leave it all behind. 

I woke up every morning before 7 am with an aching back, and got ready in a few short moments so that I wouldn’t be late to service. I walked over 30 minutes in the heat through small and dirty streets each morning to reach service, enduring the stares of locals. On most of those walks, I tried to walk with the group but minding my own business with my head down watching the route in front of me and only chancing a few glances up and around, but I still kept within arms reach of any one of the guys in our group just in case. If the sun was down or we were in a more crowded area, I stayed right next to one of the guys and barely tried to lift my eyes to anything more than the feet and hands around me. So many of the streets smelled like death from the butchers, so every breath I took in was shallow and through my mouth. 

I was tired of it all. 

I was tired of being in pain. Tired of the heat, tired of the stares and unsafe feeling, tired of not being able to look people in the eyes, and tired of feeling nauseous when I tried to breath. 

ATW had been teaching me to adjust to places quickly, so when I walked through the flooded streets and first started serving at the homes, I just went with it, but after a week in, my mind was starting to undo all the progress I had made. I couldn’t imagine those who came here to serve for months at a time, and was just thankful to be leaving soon for fall break. 

Maybe it was just my sick body influencing all of these thoughts, but I realized they were pretty true regardless. I’m ready for Malta and the chance to see my parents and be on the beach and have a comfy bed. 

I had started this sickness off yesterday with a weird amount of optimism and positivity. I was experiencing India like everyone else. This would be good for me, a chance to be broken. And as weird as it sounds, throwing up in India doesn’t feel nearly as gross as throwing up back home because everything here is already so gross. My positivity has since been broken by the toll sickness takes and the weakness I now feel. 

I don’t know if I have a take away from all of this. I’m writing this all down while still feeling gross. I feel broken in the moment, which I guess is what I wanted from this country in the beginning, but I’m not sure it’s in the way that I thought it would be. 

Reese’s Passages: 4th Installment

Hello and welcome once again to Reese’s Passages!

Our week in India was full of surprises similar to the food we ate! We were warned India could be a humbling experience for some, and as I was throwing up from a migraine out the window of a moving tuk-tuk (motorized bike transport with a cab for about four people attached) I decided that perhaps these warnings had some ground. While in India, I was reminded that despite what our ego or culture may say, we are not above any form of service and Jesus did not stop serving once it got awkward or uncomfortable. I was reminded of this by the sisters of Prem Dan, the elderly house connected with the Mother Theresa home in Kolkata, India. The idea that I was not qualified or that I was perhaps deserving of a better task naturally came to my mind. I was not pleased at my instinctual response. So, when a naked elderly man needed someone to talk to and to walk him around I was there to do that for him. I got him clothes once I found a Prem Dan employee, don’t worry. Another time, I helped a sister clean a man’s shin where his bone protruded. India certainly forced me to think about how extreme it can be when He says to love the least of us. Outside our comfort zone is where we grow. Our time in India showed me that you cannot truly expand your limits when you cannot shake your self-entitlement to being comfortable. I really wanted to say no and find an easier chore, but once I challenged myself with saying yes I was amazed at how much more human the person I was helping became. They no longer were someone I feared touching or being around, but were a friend in need. 1 Corinthians 16:14 says “Do everything in love.” Love does not have ego nor does love hold anything back. If it is true that God is love as 1 John 4:8 says, then we must not hold back anything from our fellow brothers and sisters if we are to best show them God.